food fight.

i'm currently simultaneously not working AND not panicking about that for the time being, which is a feat in and of itself (luke is supporting us until i finish coursework in june, as a) we can afford that sort of one-income family crap for a few months and b) both of us working twelve hour days = two grown married people living in college dorm squalor).  however, as much as this arrangement lessens the crazy money perma-stress i've been carrying around for pretty much the entirety of my grad school career, it has illuminated to me yet another problem: namely, i am a terrible cook.  as in, horrible.  i have one staple meal that is delicious, but as it is a spicy, bean-heavy veggie chili, it is not acceptable for daily consumption (at least not in a world where we want to fit into our jeans on a daily basis).  also, i make a mean veggie saute that can be eaten over microwaveable trader joe's rice (or, in the case of the photo below, an israeli couscous quinoa mixture that i had to actually boil - can you believe it?).

however, aside from these two culinary masterpieces, i am hopeless.  i attempted to make a potato and pea curry the other night and it was such an epic failure i couldn't photograph it because i was too busy crying in the bathroom about what a huge waste of time and money it was.

it almost makes me miss the days we ate out all the time.  i am actually pretty convinced that when one's definition of "dining out" is "subway sandwiches and bean and rice plates from baja fresh," it's actually cheaper to eat out than it is to cook at home.  more importantly, it's easier, which is good enough for me.

also, a necklace, which i adore.

when the going gets tough, the tough get crafting.  i made myself some earrings tonight.  they're simple, but they're awesome and, although you can't see it so clearly in the super high-res photobooth picture above, they are turquoise, so i am, of course, in love.

(also, this is a pretty excellent photo of the damage the animals have done to our living room blinds.)

sad face.

i'm about to begin the third week of winter quarter, so i'm having to work even harder at staying positive and present.  the past year and a half has taught me that the least healthy thing i can be doing right now is try to see into the future, because that makes me panic about where i'll work, how i'll make this worth it, when i'll finally be able to contribute financially to our lives, when we'll be able to buy a house, etc. etc. etc.  obsessing over this makes me feel guilty about going back to school, because i feel like it put our lives on hold and incurred new debt for essentially no reason.  i have to remind myself that i'm only 25 and, regardless of how horrible this limbo period feels, it's completely acceptable for me to still be working on my life.  still, though, bllllargh.  i'm over it.

luke and i have spent the weekend lazing around, mostly.  i caught up on all the reading i've been avoiding for a while and luke is currently still trying to jam all our hundreds of dvds into genre-coordinated cases.  i've been in a bit of a fog for the last few days - just really not feeling up to being a big ball of sunshine.  nothing is particularly miserable.  i'm just ready for the next phase, i guess, and hopeful that this glorious next phase will include some clarity and a paycheck.

photo phun.

because i am always about two to three years behind technologically, i got my first smartphone just last december (as in, 2010), which means i've been taking photos with my cell phone for about a year.  i've decided that another good way of focusing on the positive would be to catalog all the good stuff associated with last year through pictures i took on my fancy mobile device.*

things i love (and therefore photograph):

a) the husband.

b) the dog.

c) huck.




















d) abe.

e) siblings.

f) my parents (i had no cell phone photos of them, so i cheated.  they had to make the list!)

g) my grandparents, these gorgeous people.

h) this place.

i) babies.

j) backyards.

k) california.

l) this.

m) mariachis.

n) fun times.

this is by no means an exhaustive list, obviously.  however, it does make me realize i am a pretty lucky duck.

*there was probably a much better, more eloquent way to phrase those two sentences, but i'm tired and fighting a migraine and that'll do pig.

daily affirmations.

things to keep in mind:

a) you are almost finished.
b) you are so close.
c) the people who count will help you.
d) you are not alone.
e) you will make it worth it.
f) you are almost finished.

think i can keep this up for six more months?

good times.

in lieu of making useless resolutions* i won't hold to (such as the ones i've made previously about cutting out sugar or sarcasm, which were obvious failures), i've decided to cull through the dizzying amount of bad news 2011 brought with it to build a list of all the things that happened this year that i am grateful for, because if i've learned nothing else recently, i've come to understand that life is a process, a journey you might say, and i can't make myself a happier camper by hating on my life or by faking the resolve to change everything overnight.  thus, the list of bright lights in 2011:

1) luke landed a dream job at an incredible private school and also made his book club business official.  while the year started off rocky for us financially, it most definitely shaped up to be a time of fantastic opportunity for him, which is of course amazing.

2) my brother sam graduated from college and moved home, and as sickeningly sweet as this is going to sound, i have truly loved the chance to get to know him again now that we're both grown ups and are less angsty (well, he is at least).

3) i reconnected with some great people from my hometown and have had the pleasure of hanging out with their adorable babies.

4) this year alone, i've been employed as an osteologist/archaeologist excavating a cemetery, landed an internship analyzing unknown skeletal remains at the coroner's office and have worked/attended meetings with some pretty remarkable people from the city attorney's office.  it's difficult to see it while i'm in it, but this year i've literally fulfilled dreams, doing things i'd only ever read about and been fascinated by.  totally worth it.

5) i still have a 4.0 in school.  i'm only acknowledging this because this list is pathetically short and it's technically a good thing, yes?  however, during this year of insanity, i've realized that my decade-old love affair with using grades as a barometer for my life success is over.  doing well makes all the craziness worth it, i suppose, but i'm definitely ready for a grade point average to stop ruling my life.

ok, so that was sad - for 365 days of happenings, it's a relatively short list of good things.  however, while the bad was pretty bad, the good was exceptionally good.  also, this year served as an opportunity to prove to everyone that odd numbered years really are worse than even numbered years.  it's not just because i'm a nut, guys!  it's true!  here's to 2012!



*i'm notoriously not a person of extremes, so making huge blanket statements about how i'm going to CHANGE EVERYTHING usually don't work out for me.