i've had a fabulous weekend thus far, full of studying and family and friends and parks and foods and royal weddings.  things have been good.

another thing this weekend has been full of thus far is job applications.  full to the brim.  and this leads me to part two of "why i've been a (more) miserable bitch for two weeks."  drumroll please: my odor patrolling hours were cut from full-time to two days a week.  this was due to no fault of my own (i assume), because they hired several more people despite only opening up six more shifts per week and in order to accommodate all the new peeps, my schedule needed to be pruned.  got it.  my issue is this: i am really, really tired of looking for stable work.  i mean, at this point, i'm obviously willing to do anything (as i was getting up at 5 am monday through friday to walk six miles through neighborhoods trying to catch smells). and even that apparently isn't enough dedication to secure me more than two months of reasonable paychecks.

it has been outrageously stressful to be riding a seemingly never-ending wave of excitement about new jobs followed by horror and despair when they are either eliminated or downsized or otherwise rendered moot.  it has made me sick (as in, actually).  compound my consta-anxiety with the collective delusion of the entire world that my "being in school" somehow serves as a barrier against needing to work to finance my life and you have me not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone or do anything that is not explicitly required of me either in my current job description or my master's program.  (this delusion is perhaps perpetuated by the lucky few who get stipends when attending graduate school.  suffice to say, i'm not at one of those schools.  if we use lab disposables, we need to replace them personally.)

i'm so frustrated by how difficult it has been for me to find a job i can rely on and even more so by the fact that i always seem to be just on the verge of getting on top of things (such as paying off credit cards, planning trips/events/backyard makeovers, etc) when i suddenly find myself without funds.  blarg.  for realz.