wedding!

i'm fully aware that it's "only" 10:30 pm, but i still feel slightly-to-moderately rebellious for being up this late.  i've been investigating various wedding details, despite the fact that 1) my own wedding is still (almost) exactly one year away and 2) i spent (almost) exactly one full year being engaged without wanting to discuss even the engagement for fear of judgment from people about how young i am and how my numerical age means i have no idea how to make intelligent decisions about my life.  (agh!)  however, i shouldn't harp on and on about how uncomfortable the world made me for the first half of this being engaged thing because now my wedding mania has blossomed and is in full swing.  i'm so excited about planning this party that i don't care at all what anyone else thinks about it - and, also, i think i've realized that no one has really been anything but supportive this entire time.  i've had my face in a wedding magazine (when i'm not busy working or working or working) for the past couple of weeks and i think i've narrowed down what i want for the seating, the dress, the lighting, the flowers, the centerpieces and the invitations, which is impressive considering that a month ago i'd never really truly thought about any of those things.  luke and i have known for a while where we want to have the wedding (...at my grandparents' house, with the ceremony in their pretty little gazebo), who we want to officiate (...helllllo, joel), and the basic color scheme (lavender, white and green - nature-y).  but, i've lived in terrible fear of cracking the spines on bridal books and magazines to actually make decisions because i'd heard horror stories and am not the kind of person who gets off on spending tons and tons of money on myself.  i've learned, though, that much like most things in life, one's wedding can be exactly what they make of it, so i'm now insanely determined, come hell or high water, to sketch out and bring to life a cozy, beautiful, delightfully fun wedding that is less about frills and money and showing off and more about family and celebrating and togetherness, which i suppose weddings are meant to be about in the first place.  

tonight, i decided on lavender and sage set in mason jars as the centerpieces (after spying on someone else's bridal party bouquets) and i believe i have a general idea what i want the invites to look like.  the wedding is a year away tomorrow and so i realize this might all be a little preemptive.  however, i figure if i shake out what i want early enough, i'll have plenty of time to fiddle around and change my mind and panic in order to arrive at the correct decision eventually.

apparently, i'm going to apply my college finals study plan* to every other stressful event for the rest of my life.

*and for those of you who are not andy and did not live with me through many, many exam nightmares, this means that i will prep far in advance in order to relieve myself of last minute nervous breakdowns, only to then have a nervous breakdown about why i have no last minute preparations.  it's a very sick and very unnecessary cycle, but perhaps that is the story of my life.