worrrrried

i got back from san francisco last night and am totally exhausted.  i had an absolutely fabulous time and will discuss it all later - in a post i will most likely write tonight.

now, however, i must discuss why i had intermittent bursts of stress-induced nausea the entire weekend (despite having loads and loads of good times).  these things have weighed heavily, obviously, and so now i'd like to vent them to the world.  firstly, on thursday night, my dad came over on his way home from work, as he often does on thursdays these days, and took luke and i out to dinner at a local indian restaurant.  at some point while eating, i cracked down on something that made a slight screeching sound, but i figured i'd just discovered a cumin seed.  no pain.  i continued eating (and eating and eating) for a long time afterwards, and then came home and settled into a tv show with luke, when i felt like i had some food caught in my back molars (which, for me, is pretty much an everyday occurrence).  when i slid a finger across my teeth, i stumbled upon a jagged gap where one of the cusps of the last molar on the top left side of my mouth used to be.  not surprisingly, i then totally freaked out.  i now know that it looks much worse than it actually is, but when i first saw it, i instantly panicked - there's nothing like missing a piece of your tooth to get you all crazed.  luckily, my grandpa is my dentist, so i called out of work on friday and headed home to get my mouth checked out.  here is the very long story: i have a really intense allergy to plated metals (such as nickel, etc.) and, although i've had lots of fillings, i've never once had a silver one, because my grandpa worried it would set off the kind of  intense skin reactions that would eventually end my nose piercing dreams (a story for another time).  so, my teeth are filled with "composites," which i know very little about except that they are white and are the tooth equivalent of concrete.  they are also apparently prone to leaks.  the composite in my upper left last molar cracked a bit, which allowed crap to get deep inside my tooth, the side of which got so decayed that it cracked right off while i was eating steamed potatoes.  all in all, the whole thing makes me feel disgusting.  it doesn't hurt and the issue, after the decay is cleaned up, will really just be cosmetic, but it still upsets me a lot and i can only hope that at my appointment tomorrow, the grandfather tells me i don't need a root canal.

lovely.  thankfully, i was still able to go up to san francisco, because that would have been really terribly sad.

so flash forward to today, when, in about five minutes, i have to leave to take my cat children to the vet to get neutered.  i have been secretly anxious about this almost since we first got them, because getting the older cats spayed was a horrific nightmare.  i'm a gigantic bleeding heart liberal hippy, and i am therefore convinced that after i've kept the boys away from food for almost a full day, stuck them in a cage, dropped them off at a scary office, agreed to have them sliced and then forced them to wear those awful plastic neck cones, that they will hate me for the rest of their feline lives.  and that would be bad for me, as i'm so obsessed with them i refer to them as "my cat children."

hence, the nausea.