the non-existent chest shot exists! this was actually taken in that same hotel room by that same miserable 19-year-old. god, what a nightmare. but, in the interest of full disclosure, here it is. again, i feel the need to justify how bad it was, because for some reason, i feel like this photo doesn't convey it. maybe that's just a hold over from having to be such an apologist for my feelings. i know how damaging this was for me, but i also know some people have it much worse. however, on a scale of "normal person" to "bad news," i still believe this falls into the "bad news" category. (interestingly, though, i have a bathing suit tan, meaning that dying of humidity on a road trip through the south in august trumps feeling like a disgusting mutant. who knew?)
i know for certain now that no pictures of my back survived, as i would have had to ask someone else to take them and that sure as hell wasn't going to happen. i'm disappointed now, though, at the other end of the journey, because i would love to have a series of comparison photos from the start of the medication to the end of it. accutane, despite its bad rap, saved my life in a lot of ways and i wish i had a better record of just how it did it.
but, for the sake of some comparison, this is me now:
i'm covered in little white scars and my skin here reacts a little differently than the unblemished stuff, but for the most part, it could have been much worse and i've been normalized since early 2007. (is it coincidence that i met luke just after finishing my last dose of the giant orange twice-a-day? or is it possible that i finally had the confidence that no one would be embarrassed about being with me or take advantage of my obviously less-than-prime self-esteem? that's so sick and sad and horrible.)
the difference between these two photos is perhaps way i sometimes get chastised for wearing shirts that are "too low-cut." that's the point, guys! i spent five years in t-shirts. let wear my v-necks and tank tops without shame.
1 comment:
your shirt is way too low for a professional conference... geez, have some shame!
on a serious note though, i sympathize with what you felt. though i didnt have acne, i had to deal with horrible patches of eczema that basically made me look/feel like a leper or needle drug user. didnt wear short sleeves or tank tops for a long time, middle school was an uncomfortable long sleeve hell...sadly, there is no medication to deal with this, so it comes and goes and i hope to just outgrow it someday :\
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