sugarfree

on january 5th, i decided to take a month off sugar.  why, you ask?  oh, mostly because i gained ten pounds over the holidays.  seriously.  ten pounds.  obviously, i could tell i'd been a horrible glutton, because it's hard to forgot literally stuffing your face with your mother's delicious gingerbread men, but i only discovered the extent of my gluttony when i was weighed at a doctor's appointment and the nurse recorded the terrible number for posterity in my medical records.  thus, i gave up sugar.  the timing was perfect, too, because a month later i'd being going to the baby shower of a dear friend of mine and presumably be able to eat delicious cake to celebrate one month sugarfree.

cut to: the shower, which was adorable and also crazy.  i cannot believe that someone i was 14 with is now weeks away from being a mother.  this happens to me a lot.  i'll flip (stalk) through facebook, hyperventilating about all my childhood friends who have gotten married or had children, denying to myself that we're old enough for any of that, until i realize that i've contributed to this by also being married.  this terrifies me because it illustrates that no one ever feels like they're older, ever.  my 96-year-old great-grandmother wasn't from another planet, where old people are a different species who have forgotten what it's like to have their own personality.  oh, no.  she felt 16.  so essentially we're all doomed to feel young and carefree while having to get older and weighed down with responsibility.  (i'm a downer.)

anyway.  the shower was fabulous and so was the highly anticipated cake.  however, what i didn't expect, what i could never have expected, was that as i was gleefully licking the buttercream frosting off my fork, i realized i didn't need it.  i didn't feel like i was satiating an intense longing for sugary goodness because i didn't have an intense longing for sugary goodness.  i've taken up to six months off processed sugar before and each time i stop the fast, i fall off the wagon hard.  this time, the cake didn't make me want to fly to the nearest 7-11 and drink a massive slurpee while eating a snickers and shoving fun dips in my bag for ten minutes later.  as someone who has spent literally her entire life with sugar as a food group, this was surprising.

maybe i'm becoming less disgusting in my old (married) age.