beards and fat tires

i'm currently sitting in the living room by myself (except for the cats, of course), drinking a fat tire almost entirely just because i want to use the empty bottle as a vase for the roses the great-aunts brought over today from their 100-year-old, immortal transplanted rosebush.  luke's already asleep, as he had an exhausting day, and abe (lincoln, named so because he has a perfect black beard), the more rambunctious of the two new kittens, has abandoned meowing in my face to chase the tails of the adult cats.  this scene seems ripped from some depressing, bridget-jonesy movie, but i'm perfectly content.  i'm thinking.  mostly about how i need to figure out a way to write a book.  i've been inspired to finally sit down and start writing again by a very unlikely source, namely a kid i went to high school with who is now pursuing music with his whole heart, despite the very unfortunate fact that he can't carry a tune.  if he can, so can i, i figure.

also, last night my friend josh invited me to go see "spring awakening" at the ahmanson theater in downtown.  it was fantastic - moving, hilarious, sad.  it hit every note (no pun intended).  and, it also spurred something in me.  the part of me that wants to actually achieve things, not just fret and worry about my future and be a "hand wringer," as my dad would say.  the characters in the play are teenagers, and the parts are played by genuine teenagers - teenagers who are already living their dreams, which i'm sure didn't magically happen for them as they were eating tubs of ice cream on their couches at 1 pm and hoping things would fall into place.  perhaps the most frightening thing about not being in school anymore (and about the correlated issue of no longer living with my parents) is that now i have to figure it out all on my own.  my life is up to me, and never, in twenty-two whole years, has that been the case.  i was in school, in school, in school, pushed along by my tremendous parents, who, in all their well-meaning, fabulous support throughout my life, really just ensured i'd never be 

prepared to take on anything myself.  it's always "blame the parents," right?

ok, to cheer myself up, here's a picture of abe and me this morning:

as might be obvious, this picture is more about abe than about me.  i'm dirty and sleepy and abe is adorable, and showing off part of his namesake beard.