winnnnds

today, the children's store i work in hosted a massive sale, during which i wandered outside to dig through some bins looking for something for a customer.  expecting to find nothing but bibs and security blankets, i was surprised to haul out two adult-sized, deliciously soft white robes, which i decided to use as shields against the terrible cold that has pervaded los angeles (and my apartment) in the last three days.  i immediately scooped them up and hid them away from the crowds and bought them when i left this afternoon.  they are perfect for blustery fall/winter weather.  they are body-shaped throw blankets.  they are fabulous.

also, the windy cold is making my skin freak out in way i haven't seen in quite some time, causing me much distress and panic.  i have a total of four/five (perhaps one is a dwarf pimple) new growths on my face this week and that makes me very nervous.  after all, i assaulted my body with accutane for six months nearly two years ago to get rid of that nastiness for the rest of my life, and i will not accept that the medication has already failed me.  i know, i know: all two of you, my grand audience members, think i'm being ridiculous - people break out.  however, as i discussed with my mother this morning, i have never just "broken out."  i have never had pimples that swept in briefly only to sweep out again.  my skin invaders came and stayed and created large, booming villages on my face, all the while surviving the several nuclear holocausts of benzoyl peroxide i inflicted upon them over the years.

and, so, while this "break out" is probably just that (fingers crossed), it has triggered this horrible wave of craziness inside of me, this fear of having to repeat the six teenage years of useless face creams and rounds of antibiotics and tearful pleas with dermatologists to please prescribe me accutane.  i really can't do that again.  everything i dislike about myself formed when i was covered in acne, and i cannot deal with it again now, just when i'm starting to get myself together.

in sum, this skin issue best be short-lived.