surprise!

work was remarkably less tragic than i thought it would be last night, as i lay in bed replaying all the horrors of the last few days before winter break, trying to imagine what i was in for today.  it was, all and all, much nicer than it could have been, so i have my lucky stars to thank for that.  having dreaded it for the past two days has done wonders for my skin, though - i've already started to break out again and it's only day one.

this afternoon, my christmas present came in the mail, which made luke very happy, as it had been lost in the bermuda triangle of christmas packages for the past two weeks.  he got me a delightfully hilarious charm bracelet - he wrapped up each charm individually and hung the little packages from boughs of our christmas tree (which, yes, is still up and decorated and is giving off the most wonderful holiday smell as it decays front and center in our apartment).  it was adorable, and actually pretty hysterical, because he'd found the following charms: a loaf of bread, a mammoth, a can of diet coke, a squirrel, a bachelor's degree, and, among others, a potato.  a potato!  anyone who has known me for more than two minutes could attest that my entire life's work can be summarized by the charm bracelet i've got now.  it was a very, very cute idea.

<3.

(money) launderer

so, we buckled. instead of carting all our clothing to a laundromat, we packed it all into the car and carted it 3o minutes to my parents' house! what we lost in transit we made up for in free laundering and dinner with my family, which is always wonderous. i would honestly rather drive up here all the time to wash my clothes comfortably than pay $5.00-a-load at our apartment complex. we're currently waiting for the umpteenth load to dry and could quite possibly be here all night.

i am so not pleased about starting work again tomorrow. after all the total insanity that was this fall, and after the relatively low-key holiday season (during which i did nothing and slept in until 11 am nearly every day), i can't really fathom having to start it all again. blarg.

in other news, i worked in the lab at the museum today and finally asked the director for a letter of recommendation for grad school applications (oh, yeah, i'm doing those again - i'm a glutton for punishment, i guess) - this is a big deal because i've been too intimidated to ask her about writing one for approximately one full year now. yipee!

how do you get that shirt so clean, mate?

today, luke and i cleaned the whole apartment, went shopping for necessary goods, hung a picture that we had framed like seven months ago and made dinner for friends.  all in all, it was an epically productive day, and means that two days into 2010, we're still keeping our joint resolution of being just as productive and successful at home as we are at work.  that was our major problem last year (most especially in the fall, when stress was at its peak) and we have vowed to be better about it this year.  we are living a totally crazy modern life, with insane work hours and many, many hours per week spent in a car and are without wonderful conveniences like a dishwasher and a washer and dryer, which makes cooking at home and doing laundry just that much more obnoxious.  i know that sounds really lazy, but when you've spent your entire day running around like an banshee, the last thing you want to do is haul all your crap to a laundromat or make dinner with the promise of doing all the dishes afterward.

god, how did humans do it for thousands of years before dishwashers and washers and dryers?

luke and i are trying desperately to find out how those ancient peoples handled all their many, back-breaking responsibilities without going absolutely nuts.  perhaps it was because they didn't have the knowledge of these wonderful machines that could do all the work for you, if only you'd have the foresight to rent an apartment that provided them.

happy new year!  i'm very excited for all the things to come, and my excitement has led me to this: i've decided that i'm going to post something every day this year.  2010 promises to be a year full of changes, of new experiences and will definitely force me to do things outside my comfort zone.  in short, i'm planning on being a much bigger grown up exactly one year from today.  and, much like people who keep a food journal to monitor what they eat, i want to use this blog as both a motivator and a memory-keeper, so that when i feel like not doing something i absolutely need to, i can feel responsible, at least in some very minor way, to what i've written here.  and, as an added bonus, when this year is over and all the monumentous things i'm looking forward to are over, i can have a record of all the thoughts and feelings i thought were soooo important at the time.  

win, win.

up, down and around

oh, what a month it's been.  beginning with thanksgiving and moving forward through my grandma's death, hanukkah, my cousin's bat mitzvah, more hanukkah, christmas eve and christmas, it's been a roller coaster of emotion for the family.  my cousin said it best when he said it's been a month of "let's party!  let's cry!"  we've all been so busy with the celebrations of the season that we really haven't had a chance to process how we all collectively feel about my grandmother.  so, while we were bat-mitzvahing or eating latkes or simply hanging out, just the mention of my grandma sent everyone into tears.  there's been this almost terminal lack of enthusiasm for all these things we've been doing, all the things we were expected to do, and that's really, really out of character for us.  totally and completely awful.  i'm definitely looking forward to some time this coming week to remember her and perhaps handle some of this sadness.

aside from boomerang-ing from one extreme emotion to another for six weeks, the holidays were nice.  it's always fabulous to see my family and, for better or worse, we did see a lot of each other this season.  like i said, there wasn't very much bubbly silliness this year, but it was nice regardless.  (see?  i love me some adjectives, and the best i can do right now is "nice."  that's how bad it is.)

in completely unrelated news, i've gotten pretty obsessed with childbirth lately, which is strange for a few reasons, not the least of which being that 1) i'm not pregnant and 2) i'm not planning on it any time soon.  i'm just very interested in how medicalized the whole thing has become.  my obsession was born (pun intended!) after i got a very suspiciously vague mole biopsy result and after a friend of mine had a horrific birth experience at the end of her perfectly normal pregnancy.  in short, at the moment, i'm very wary of the medical profession and more specifically, how it sometimes scares people into unnecessary medical procedures.  for example, i had a totally normal mole biopsy'd recently, just because i was nervous about it, and the result was more or less normal.  however, no one would say that to me - i guess because they don't want me to sue them - so instead my doctor sat me down for what was the longest twenty seconds of my life to "talk about the results" and despite my repeated questions about what the actual outcome was, she could only say that the recommendation was for me to get yet another incision and biopsy.  and, my friend, who went into normal labor, was given pitocin at the hospital, immediately given an epideral and then had terrible complications as she pushed laying on her back for two hours.  i'm by no means saying that i want to go live in the woods somewhere without advil or antibiotics, but i'm starting to see now that there can be huge health implications with all this unnecessary surgery/intervention flying around.  and, of all the unforeseen future health problems i may have, childbirth would appear to be the most probable - hence, my obsession.

any thoughts?

to everything...

on tuesday, my great-grandma edna died in her sleep at 96 years old.  this should, in theory, be the beginning of a glorious celebratory post about how, after living such a long, wonderful life, she left us in most peaceful way possible.  we should all be thankful to have known her as long as we all did.  we should be at peace with the fact that she's gone.  

the truth is, though, the entire family is pretty devastated by her death.  in this family of women and the men who love them, she was the matriarch.  she was the unspoken head of everything, the queen.  she infused all the people i love with the kindness and genuine goodness i associate with my family.  she's the reason my great-aunts are two of my closest friends, the reason my grandparents talk to me like we're peers, and most of all, she's why we all put up with each other - we're family.  she was responsible for this life i've been so lucky to live and now she's gone and i'm not entirely sure how to handle it.

we went to the funeral yesterday morning early, so we could gather around with my grandparents, my great-aunts, my aunts and uncles and cousins to see my grandma before the service started and, having only seen one other dead body in person before in my life, i can safely say it's the most bizarre, terrible thing to see a person you love that way.  she was wearing her favorite sweater and a pearl pin, the same outfit i discovered today as i went through old pictures she wore to my brother's bar mitzvah last year (a discovery which of course made me hysterical).  her makeup was done, her nails had been painted since the last time i saw her alive last week.  still, though, it wasn't her.  her force, her personality, was gone and i don't know how to reconcile that.  maybe if i were religious i wouldn't feel so lost about this.  as it is, though, my grandma truly was larger than life, so to think that that energy isn't here anymore is insanely difficult.

the last time i saw her healthy, we talked about how much she'd done, how many stories she had to tell, and how she wanted so desperately to tell them.  i said, "well, grandma, i'll be back.  and i'll bring a pen."  to which she replied, hilariously, "is that a threat?"

it was a promise.  i'm sorry we didn't have time.  i love you.

no rest for the weary

i should totally be asleep now, knowing as i do that i have to get up in approximately six hours to get ready for work.  however, i'm suffering from an ailment i've always had; namely, that when i've spent an entire day actively participating in things, i must spent at least two hours consciously doing nothing in order to decompress.  so, i worked all day at the preschool, went to yoga, went directly to a night class (a development i will discuss further in another post) and then came home at 9:45 pm.  days like this make me feel accomplished and exhausted all at the same time.

blarg.